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Winston Zhang
28 March
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Man Utd [Since '99]
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Friday, August 20, 2010
21:49:00
I was looking through my old entries on this blog late last night, starting from my POP in 2007 till about Jan/Feb 2008 and I really found myself traveling back in time.
Reading about things like football sessions with the old band pals, studying for the O levels, my expectations on how I'd do on my tests/exams and other such things that once were such big things of my life, even perhaps BEING my life back then, just really transported me back to those years. No kidding, I really felt like I was 16 again for awhile.
It was a weird feeling, because those old memories are both good and bad. Good because they were simpler times; I was more sure and steadfast in my opinions and actions, and there were so many fewer shades of grey and heck, some things seemed just black and white back then. Things just seemed so much easier to understand back then. It was so much easier to take a stand on one side of the fence and stick with it.
On the flip side, I saw how naive and headstrong I was back then. While it definitely feels nice to be able to take a stand and stick by it, I'm amazed at how easily I disregarded the opposite opinion back then. I thought I knew everything I needed to know back then; obviously that wasn't the case.
So it was a matter of reading what I wrote and feeling both good and bad about the same exact words, at the same exact time. It's a very weird feeling, one that in itself isn't good or bad. There was just a sort of tingling sensation somewhere in my head.
This added on to the fact that 1) it was late and 2) that I am still slowly picking myself up and walking away from the issue I mentioned in the previous post. It left me feeling very... I don't know. I'd say introspective but that wasn't the entirety of it so I can't really use that word. That said, after I stopped reading, I went to lie on my bed and think about all I had been before, all that I am now, and what I might be in the future.
I thought about the old times, about the times when all I concerned myself with was my studies and the band. I thought about my current situation, still in the midst (though nearing the end) of my poly education and still obviously affected by that aforementioned problem. I thought about how things could maybe become better in the future, for example meeting that special someone on my internship, hahah.
Yeah, I know that's probably a pipe dream but I'm not the most optimistic of people and thinking things like these at least bring a smile to my face, if not as a result of genuine hope and optimism, then at least because I was amused at my own imagination.
I went to sleep and had a funny dream. For some unknown reason my Dad was living/working/something in, of all places, NORTH KOREA, and my brother and I went over to visit him. Funnily though, it wasn't like all military and communist and strict and whatnot, it was just normal, though I remember joking with my brother about some of their propaganda which was seriously funny.
Then, and I'm not sure if this was also in North Korea or whether it was a different setting (my dreams tend to jump here and there), I went with my brother to some office where my girlfriend (no one in particular, just some generically-sweet-looking girl my brain thought up) worked. Think it was just a courtesy call or something. Maybe I'm just thinking too much about girls at the moment, hah.
Today was lazy. Spent the whole day at home because basketball was canceled due to lack of numbers. Luckily SK came over for some gaming. I'd be bored out of my pants if he hadn't turned up.
Well, that's it for now. I still am quite intrigued by the odd feeling I felt last night. It seemed... comfortably numb, something like that. Heh, weird stuff.