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Winston Zhang
28 March
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AMKSS
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Man Utd [Since '99]
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Saturday, April 04, 2009
00:07:00
That last post was as much a commendation for AMK band as it was a damning indictment on the many people who take the awards too seriously. While it may mean that I appear an asshole for saying such things, I hope both meanings got through. What is, is, and what isn't, isn't. No delusions.
Speaking of which, I've thought about some of my thought processes and decisions of recent times, and I find myself to be extremely mechanical and robot-like. I'm a freakishly logical person, almost (if not already) to a fault.
Perhaps it's due to some things I've gone through in life, perhaps it's just how my mind is wired. Whatever it is, I find myself to be a very cold, almost unfeeling creature. Most of the time, anyway.
I, however, reject the notion that I am devoid of emotion when it comes to decision-making. I am still a human being, after all. The thing is, logic constructs my decisions, while emotions temper them, adjust them.
I know of people who make decisions based almost entirely on their emotions, then when things go kaboom they blame everybody but themselves. I try not to associate myself with such people anymore (waaaaay too tiring, and for nothing at that too), although I have interacted with such people before.
Humans are irrational due to their emotions. Therefore, to make any decisions (especially major ones) with emotion as the major factor is only asking for trouble, and when the shit hits the fan, you'd have absolutely no right to blame anyone but yourself.
Don't get me wrong though. I believe emotions, in general, are good. What makes us such unbelievably fallible creatures also makes us special. It's knowing when, and how, to use one's emotions that's the main stumbling block of so many people.
I watch the world go by, making sense of everything (and believe you me, there're many illogical things in this world) bit by bit. I might tend to generalise sometimes, but nobody minds generalisation until it applies to them. By that token, I reserve my right to generalise (although I am able to go into details).
I see the world as only a few do. It is a depressing sight much of the time, mostly due to the people in it. Which explains the choices I make, the philosophy I follow. I never mean any harm, but at the same time I want nothing to do with most people.
I am truly grateful for the friends I have. Amazing people, they are. All very human, as I am, but all not willing to take ignorance as a way of life. For that alone they deserve admiration.
I am logical to a fault. While it may be off-putting, it also means that it is easy for anyone to know what I mean. Sometimes, I might say things that sound unpleasant. But you know what? I'm right. Get angry if you must; it is only human nature. But when you finally take the time to think about it and stop being selfish and thinking of only yourself, you will inevitably find that I am right.
Now you see why I isolate myself? I don't wish to piss people off, especially since most have done nothing to deserve being pissed off. There is always a bigger picture to explain my choices and actions. No one sees it but me though, sadly.