Wednesday, November 12, 2008
22:14:00
I realised just recently just how far I've walked away from my secondary school life.I look at blogs of people from secondary school, and I find that just about all of them (if not all) still have 'current' relationships with people they met in secondary school. Either they went to the same school after graduation, or they still meet each other in some way or other.Hasn't happened with me, of course. Besides Shi Kai, I don't even really talk to anyone from my secondary school anymore. Of course, this probably has to do with the fact that I don't like my secondary school one bit, save for the good memories I had with the band and with the (very) small group of friends I had. Still, it's pretty... striking, just how far I've left it all behind.Eugene and James were my closest pals while I was in the band. Looking back now though, while the three of us did have some common interests, I think the main reason why we banded together was because we were each others' lesser evils. I can't speak fully for James, but I believe that this was very much the case with Eugene.You see, the three of us come from quite different backgrounds. Of course, James and Eugene had more in common (in terms of upbringing and culture and so on) than I did with either of them. But still, we were different. I think we only really got close because everything and everyone else around us were so insane, so irrational, that we jumped at the slightest hint of sanity and held on to it for dear life.And now that the three of us have since moved on in our lives (in three seperate directions at that too), and left all the irrationality behind us, we find that we don't really need each other anymore.Eugene has found his new life with new people at NYP. I don't know if he still looks back to AMKSS people to chat with them or to go out with them, but somehow I don't think that's the case. Even if he did, he wouldn't be doing it often. Just a gut feeling of mine.James has gone into NYJC, and his transition has been a slightly smoother one than the mine and Eugene's, with NYJC filled with AMKSS people. Plus, he's also in the band over there, and quite a number of the NYJC band members are also from AMKSS. Of course, I'm sure he's also gotten to know some new people, so it's a mixture of old and new with him. Whatever the case may be, he has also transitioned away from the days of old, of the three of us.Me, I've left just about every trace of my old life behind. Surrounding myself with friends who aren't only new, but also totally different in terms of personality, I've pretty much cut myself off from my old life. I hardly speak chinglish anymore (that crazy mixture of English and Chinese you pretty much HAVE to speak if you wanted to be understood), just English now. I tried the band again, but found that I have had enough of that life. I don't speak with anyone from secondary school anymore, save for Shi Kai, and even then our conversations can hardly be described as 'frequent' (though our relations remain very good, a fact I am very grateful for).The three of us have drifted so far away. It's bittersweet, really. I'm sure I don't need to point out the 'bitter' part of the drifting, but the 'sweet' part isn't as obvious. This situation is 'sweet', because, as I said, we were just each others' lesser evils. We were the best we could find. That does not exactly mean that we were perfect for each other.The three of us were each others' emotional crutches. We were the only people we could trust. We were what kept us sane. We were extremely important to each other, cos everything else was just too crazy, too inconsistent, too volatile, too whatever for us to handle on a regular basis. But that time's gone now.The three of us have moved on, and while it isn't exactly nice to say that you don't even speak with two of the closest friends you had in secondary school anymore, it really is for the best. Some things you shouldn't hang on to when they're past their sell-by date. This is one of those things.I'll always remain on cordial terms with them, I'll always have a laugh or two with them when we meet again, I'll always stick with them in alumni band. But outside of those familiar old settings, I belong to my own world now. And so do they.I have gone. I truly have.