Tuesday, October 28, 2008
22:05:00
Just been feeling so damn lethargic the whole day today. I don't even know why I feel as such. It's a feeling of emptiness, of unfulfilment. And still, life continues to ask more of me.I've felt such emotions before, numerous times, but that doesn't make it any easier to handle. You come home wanting to just lie on the bed and forget everything for awhile, but life and its commitments prevents you from doing so. Even when you take a nap, it's a fitful one. You wake up feeling, not refreshed, but worse than ever.It's been abit of an obstacle, today. 2 tests had to be done, and here I am at the end of the day with those hurdles behind me, but with more to come. As I've said before, my GEM is a problem I have to face every week, and then there's Economics on Thursday and I haven't done my homework yet.Here's how my mind tackles my timetable: Mondays end late quite unnecessarily, but the lessons are quite alright, so that's fine. Tuesdays are also okay, but IDEA is a seriously retarded module, so that tempers things a little bit. Wednesday is 'the day that could have been', if you catch my drift. It's spoilt by the fact that my GEM is on this day. Thursdays are actually alright, but for the one big problem in the morning, Econs. After that it's PACC where we can just chill out, and the rest of the day is really quite relaxed. Fridays may end at 5, which is a pain in the ass, but lessons-wise it isn't too bad.So the week is split into two parts, Mon and Tue being 'alright', Wed being the problem in the middle, and we can add Econs on Thur morning to that portion. After Econs it's plain sailing for the rest of the week. It's like a bell curve.It doesn't help that there's stuff to do, and I'm currently in this horrible mood. Nothing seems to help; the only one guarantee is that time will pass. This is like an injury where no painkillers or anything can help, only time can, and will.It's a test of my mind every week. I'm getting tired too, even though it's only the third week. That's not cool, there's still another four weeks or so to go before the 3-week holiday, and even then, there're tests in the week before it. It's just as well, at least this means that one can truly relax during the holidays. Still, all obstacles.It's times like this that many people would just say that I'm thinking too much, and that I should just take things one step at a time. But then that's not how I operate, that's not how my mind operates. I'm a hard person to help when I'm experiencing such emotions, so I've come to not bother asking people for help; I know it's almost, if not totally, impossible to really help me in any way when I'm feeling like this. Every attempt at cheering me up will be rebuffed with a shot of logical thinking.Hopefully you readers understand what I mean in that last sentence there. I can't really find a better way to put it, but I can see how it can be confusing. Anyway, yeah. When I'm feeling like this, much as I want someone to cheer me up, I know that I simply CAN'T be. I need time to do its thing; that's the only thing that works. So when I'm feeling like this, I'm caught in between the realms of straight, extremely logical thinking and irrational human emotions.Sometimes, just sometimes, logic really bites.