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Winston Zhang
28 March
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Man Utd [Since '99]
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ROCK
Music Junkie
Sunday, August 03, 2008
11:17:00
Post 198. Closing in on 200. I probably would've surpassed that milestone ages ago if I updated on a more regular basis, but I prefer quality over quantity =)
Things have been rough recently. I've been down in the dumps due to one reason or another. Sometimes it's this, sometimes it's that, sometimes it's this AND that, etc etc. Quite a few to choose from and then there are the many permutations of those.
I haven't fully recovered from all these knockbacks yet. I'm still very sore, and still not feeling up to much. I have to say though, life (God?) works in mysterious ways.
As some of you might know, music does for me what (usually) people do; accompanying me when I'm feeling good, comforting me when I'm down, and so on. I was running out of 'fresh' material a couple of weeks ago, when I wasn't feeling so morose. And now, when the shit's hitting the fan, I get my 'fix'. I've had these songs for some while now but I never got round to exploring them till recently, and hell, did I pick the right time to do so.
Led Zeppelin is the band that's been helping me through this period. I'm the sort of person that, when faced with problems, would rather delve into them and go into the root of the matter and really just engulf myself in the sadness as a way of solving them. Most other people prefer to forget about things, or find some cheerful side to it, or some other such methods. I really don't know why I prefer my method. Maybe I need to fully face the sadness before I can move on.
Whatever the case may be, Led Zeppelin's more blues-y songs have really helped me out the past few days. I use the term 'blues-y' very lightly, because the songs express something bordering on depression. In other words, REAL sadness. To be able to just get lost in the music they make and just pouring my heart out helps alleviate much of the pain.
Isn't it ironic then, that I got their album from the one person who has done more damage to my spirit than any other person or thing in my short life so far? In many ways the timeline of events was almost that of a successful rock band; you begin small-time, making a name for yourself in some small circles. You move on to being a full-time band, and come up with your first album which goes up high in music charts around the world. You follow that up with a successful world tour which also has its fair share of stories of decadence and debauchery. Your second album is also a success, albeit less so. The third doesn't do so well, and egos in the band start to clash. Eventually the band members seperate, citing 'Artistic Differences', but really things are more personal than that.
That's what happened. Bell curve. Normal friends, then the closest of pals, then the introduction of something I like to call my heart. Differences too big to brush off came next, followed by feelings of betrayal when the shit really hit the fan. Anger and disappointment rounded things off as the two parties parted ways which was 'for the best'. Now all that's left is bitterness.
... Some of my closer friends will know who I'm talking about. She herself should know it's her. What a journey that was. To put things kindly, it taught me alot of things. To not put things kindly, it fucked me up and made me a broken person.
Then again, I wouldn't give the current me up for anything in the world, so in a really weird, roundabout way, I owe her.
Life. Funny thing, eh?
p.s To those not so familiar with the, uh, story: No, we were never a couple. I can see how that might be construed from what I wrote above, but no, we were just friends. Just wanted to clarify things.