Wednesday, March 19, 2008
14:08:00
Fate has been kind to me.One way or another, I've managed to avoid what could have been the biggest disasters in my personal life. Hindsight is always 20/20, of course, but nevertheless.Things I've heard recently have made me realise just how lucky I am. For all of the perceived (on my part) inadequacies in my life, there's still this feeling that I have some sort of divine shield (WoW reference hah) cast around me, preventing me from sustaining any serious injuries to my psyche, to my soul. I suppose it's just as well; I'm sensitive in that department. Sometimes a little too much. I have to check myself sometimes.The biggest question as regards this would be when to feel the way I do and when to brush it off as nothing much. I do wonder.In more personal news, I've been doing some soul searching lately. All I've found is that I'm an unintentional hypocrite.I am open-minded, yet narrow-minded at the same time.I strongly believe in my principles, yet seriously doubt them at the same time.I like my approach, my philosophy, to life - yet strongly question its effectiveness.I love what I am and hate what I am simultaneously.I always ponder: is what I am now all that I am, with no more strings to be unravelled? Or is there much more to come, to change me all over again? Does my life have a higher meaning or will I go the route that I envisage at this point of time?I realise I'm still only 16 (17 in 9 days! *hint hint*), but still, such questions bug me. I still have my whole life ahead of me, and I haven't even started tertiary education yet, so probably, everything can change again. I went into secondary school a naive, well-meaning person, and came out still somewhat (though considerably less) naive, but incredibly cynical and with what I consider to be a broken, or at least severely damaged, spirit.That said, a genuine feeling of optimism fills me everyday. There are still so many things to be happy for, to look forward to. I suppose that's why I always seem so laid-back; in every dark cloud I manage to find the silver lining. Sometimes two! I laugh in the face of adversity. Foolhardy, sometimes. I might rub people the wrong way because of this too. Misery loves company after all, but when the company is a cheery sonofabitch you'd be put off wouldn't you.So while I keep searching for answers to my varied and deeply psychological questions I live a cheerful life. Helps that I've got 'divine protection', hahah.