About The Anonyman:
Profile Entries Tagboard Affiliates Thanks
Achtung!
Get Psyched!
Profile
Winston Zhang
28 March
NAPS
AMKSS
SP
Man Utd [Since '99]
Football
Video Games
Trumpet
ROCK
Music Junkie
Friday, April 27, 2007
18:58:00
going down with the flu sucks. on my heart, i swear that to be true.
Christ, to think i was feeling alright 24 hours ago. then it started hitting, the chills, sneezing, coughing (especially), etc etc.
worst thing is, i missed so much today. Chinese Paper 1, maths, and chem SPA. will be making up the SPA on monday, but i don't know about the other 2. screwed up. i hate make-up tests. messes with schedules.
while lying in bed today, managed to do some thinking, as i almost always do when i'm alone and in a quiet situation, whether voluntary or (as in this case) involuntary. turning thoughts of various things in my head, came to a (slightly) depressing conclusion... or is it? somehow i'm not too sad about it, more of a '*sigh' kind of feeling... not sure how to describe it.
as i said before, i'm WAY out of place, where i am. after thinking through things, i've added 'when' to that equation. think about it: my musical tastes are almost all old stuff (and most definitely not chinese), and i'm frustrated (sometimes, mostly just perplexed) by most of the people around me, how their minds work, and so on. it sounds totally dickwad of me, but i have a maturity that many around me just don't have at the moment. i absolutely HATE to say this, but that's how i feel.
it's quite disturbing, sometimes. sure as heck narrows down the number of people i can talk to. and by 'talk to', i don't mean mindless chatting. i'm talking about proper, intelligent conversations. about life. and being able to take a 'detached' view of it (dunno how to describe). also, only these few people will have actual solutions or can at least help me feel better.
i'm weird in my own way. sure, i appear the (rather) boisterous type when i'm with my pals, and we're just joking about one stupid thing or other, but there's also a deep side to me. a REALLY deep side. so, i'm shallow(-ish) yet deep as hell, at the same time. shite, forget other people trying to understand me, i can't even understand myself fully.
i think i feel like an adult trapped in a teenager's body, and forced to experience teenage life as a result. that's as best as i can describe. for example, hearing Mrs Lai talk about people becoming cynical as they grow older just had me nodding my head. i ALREADY AM a cynic. another example; my thoughts. if my mind were a book, someone would be stuck reading it for countless years. they range from anything from laughing at low-brow humour to going through things so much i appear to want to shut everyone out (zi-bi, as so many people call it). my mind, it is a mystery.
thinking of that, the 'Anonyman' sure is one appropriate nickname. it sounds cool (something i'm quite heavy on, heh), it's funny, in a make-you-think-about-it-before-you-get-it way (which i think is just loving awesome), and yet, also totally describes my basic nature, someone not many people know, yet i leave an impression of sorts ('Anony' = not many people know, adding the 'man' at the back sticks in your mind, as that's not how it's supposed to be spelt). difficult to explain, but if you can get it, it'll probably crack a smile onto your lips, partially an 'oh, i see' smile and partially a 'nice one there' smile.
i'm rambling. i am, aren't i? but... yeah. the thoughts i have, cannot possibly be expressed properly in words. i don't really like that fact, but yeah, there you go.
at the moment i'm feeling... philosophical? something like that. put simply, to anyone passing by it might look like i'm troubled, or sad, or something like that. but my mind is working fine, it's just being perplexed by the enigma that is me.
don't get me wrong, i'm not feeling down, just... mellow.
i think i need another pool-side experience with the same 2. need, not just want. i just hate that i have to keep depending on these 2, especially as one's totally hitting the shits (life's not treating him well) and the other's busy as hell. well, see what i can work out.
Anonyman.
ps. in an attempt to curb my swearing, i'll adopt somethingawful.com's forum language, which replaces the F-bomb with words like 'loving' and 'gently caress'. the connection might not come immediately, but it'll come. lol.