Friday, February 20, 2009
20:12:00
Well, exams are over.To be honest I don't feel too great, because the last two papers were pretty fucked up. Accounting and Stats... I don't know man, I studied, but I guess it wasn't enough or something.At any rate I'm gonna just forget this and enjoy myself for the next 2 months. I'll need a little time to get over the disappointment, but, knowing myself, it'll probably take just a couple of days of pure leisure.Whatever happens, I hope I manage to maintain at least a 3.0 GPA. I need my Econs to be an A, that'll help quite abit. Hope it all works out then.Something I realised recently: I've 'promised' (more like talk about) a few friends that I'd catch up with them but haven't got round to doing so. It's not like I was making empty promises either; for some reason or other I just haven't got round to doing so. Sometimes it's fatigue, sometimes I'm busy, sometimes I'm not in the mood... the list goes on and on.This weird 'condition' of mine probably accounts for my poor retention of friends. Old friends whom I could, and still can, always talk to, but for one reason or another I've never been all that close to them. In that sense I suppose I take them for granted... That's not nice but it's not like I meant it so I don't feel guilty, per se. Still technically my fault though... so maybe I'll try to correct that during this hols.I'm pretty worn out at the moment. Don't really know what I need to perk me up, but suffice to say, it's not something a full night's sleep will cure (though that'll help).2 months of free time ahead of me and I'm feeling so crappy. Funny ol' world ain't it?
Saturday, February 07, 2009
04:48:00
Ho-lee crap. I just slept 9 hours. Nothing too special about that, except that I meant to just take a nap!I got home yesterday evening, around 6. Dilly-dallied about on the web, before deciding I should get down to studying MOB. Took out all the materials I need, notes and tutorial answers. Felt a little tired so I thought, a little nap will do the trick. Besides, it's Saturday tomorrow so I can afford to study into the night, sleeping late. This was at 7.30pm or so.And then I wake up and it's 4.30am on Saturday morning. What the fuck, right? Even when I oversleep it's usually only for a couple hours more than I intended. Sure as hell not by 7 hours.I guess this just shows exactly how much fatigue I've built up recently. The thing about fatigue is, it just keeps building up, and you don't feel it until something sparks it off. It could be something a friend says that normally wouldn't bother you but for some reason you're taking offence this time around, it could be a song you normally don't pay attention to but suddenly it's capturing your full attention, it could be anything. Fatigue is such a bitch.The worst part of it is, it affects your mood, but not in one fell swoop. If it did in one fell swoop, you'd be more likely to be able to control it. But no, it doesn't. Fatigue is more of a debilitating condition that just pulls you down bit by bit, until one day something lights the blue touch paper and all the built-up stuff explodes.Maybe that's why I've been so irrational and difficult lately. The sad thing is, there's still two more weeks of worry to come, what with tests and exams. On the bright side I'm actually starting to study MOB early; the paper's on Wed and I managed to (only) read through all the chapters yesterday during my 3-hour break. Now it's time to consolidate it all by doing tutorials and reading through the notes more times.Hopefully I can finish studying MOB quick. I wouldn't want to spend any time on it in the coming week. I'll be using that to study the other modules.Well it's 5am now and I'm as awake as a paranoid squirrel who just consumed five cans of Red Bull. Time to get to work.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
22:25:00
Another month-long absence.I just haven't felt like updating for a long time now, but things have been happening.I just... don't know. I think I let my mind get caught up in too many things recently. Either that or just a few things but they were heavy things, if you know what I mean. Somehow I let my mind get way too caught up and 'forgot' to take a step back to evaluate things objectively.I think it's due to that that I've been abit... irrational lately. I apologize to SK and Abby specifically, for being so difficult in recent times. That said, SK, I'm still not wrong man.I'm going to be 'taking a step away' from myself for a little while, just to look over my decisions and reactions of recent times. I'm sure I haven't made any wrong decisions recently, just that I've reacted badly to the problems I've been facing.It's just as well I know just how to do this for myself. It's a form of meditation in itself. Just put on some appropriate songs, lie back on the bed, close my eyes and just think. I transcend from my regular, 'everyday-mind' this way, and I become an impartial figure judging my own actions.I know it all sounds real trippy, but hell, it works for me. Anyway, while I won't be shunning social contact for the next few days, I sure won't be searching for any. I just need to be alone for awhile.I'm a bigger man than this. I really shouldn't be having such problems. But I still am human, after all.