Led Zeppelin - Over The Hills And Far Away

Hey lady - you've got the love I need
Maybe, more than enough
Oh darling darling darling, walk a while with me
Oh you've got so much... So much... So much...

Many times I've loved - And many times been bitten
Many times I've gazed along the open road

Many times I've lied - Many times I've listened
Many times I've wondered how much there is to know

Many dreams come true and some have silver linings
I live for my dream and a pocketful of gold

Mellow is the man who knows what he's been missing
Many many men can't see the open road

Many is a word that only leaves you guessing
Guessing 'bout a thing you really ought to know, ooh!
You really ought to know...
I really ought to know...

---------------------------------

With this, I close the book on this chapter in my life. Thoroughly unsatisfactory ending, in many ways, but it feels good to know.

I come away more confident in myself than I was before. I was confident to begin with, so this is really saying something.

By the way, take the meaning of the song as a whole. Anyone who takes only the first verse and thinks that's what the whole song is talking about... Sorry, but you just failed in comprehension.

Zen.

It feels good being myself again.

I spent today just the way I like to spend my holidays: Waking up late, playing video games, then spending the last four hours (as of now) watching movies on HBO.

It feels good going back to this 'routine' which is so fundamentally simple (and also quite sad hahaha) yet at the same time well able to satisfy just about all my desires. Helps that those two movies I saw weren't bad. Good Luck Chuck is only so-so, Dane Cook's acting was seriously crap. It's an okay movie to watch if you weren't expecting much at all in the first place. Also, Jessica Alba! =D

The other movie though, was seriously good. Hot Fuzz. It's the only movie I've ever watched that has been able to be both funny and serious simultaneously. Of course, I've seen my fair share of comedies which have their more serious/touching moments interspersed between the jokes, but Hot Fuzz somehow manages to do both really at the same time. What's more, it's really funny, in all sorts of ways. You just can't beat the Brits for comedy.

Well, into more practical matters now. I've been having a topsy turvy past few weeks due to a reason that only three people know, and now I'm at the finish line of this crazy journey. Everything's fucked up, it can be said, but at the same time, in the middle of all this, I feel amazingly zen. It's like standing on the rubble of a city destroyed by a nuclear bomb or something, with you being the only survivor. Everything around you is fucked beyond hope, but you feel very much at peace with yourself, despite it all.

(Given of course you didn't lose any loved ones in the blast. Horrible metaphor/example up there, I know. Hey, I can't do good all the time, alright? =D)

For managing to arrive at this supremely zen scenario, I really have to thank those three aforementioned people. Let's start with Shi Kai:

I'm sure you didn't know how else to respond to all the stuff I told you was happening to me besides with a 'holy shit', but that's fine man. Thanks for hanging around and keeping the mood light, that's one thing you've always excelled at. You're still the one person who kept me sane in upper sec, and for that I'll be eternally grateful. Cheers mate!

Now, Boon Wei. You're kinda like Shi Kai in the sense that you didn't know exactly how you could help me, but I really appreciate you trying your best anyway. You help me keep being me, so to speak, with all the similarities that have made us such long-time pals. All the cynicism and all that, yet sprinkled with a willingness to live life to the fullest. 10 years and counting old pal :)

Finally, the one person who's helped the most, Abygail. Our friendship is seriously weird, as you've mentioned before. Hardly talking in primary school, we hit it off afterwards when we went to secondary school, even though you were still in the East and I had gone to Bishan. Think about it, we've been sharing problems and helping each other for 5 years now. And you certainly came through once again this time around, starting from the 'simpler' stuff all the way through to the convulated conclusion. Even though things don't seem like they ended on a very good note, I can still glean alot of positives from the experience, most of which were taught by you haha. Thanks alot!!

As for me now, I really hope that this is the end of this saga. I have a feeling that it isn't, but even if that's the case, with such friends helping me along, I can't go wrong =D

Thanks again guys. Really, really, thanks :)

Yes or no?
Black or white?
Neither;
It is all grey

Disappointment and sadness:
By-products of the over-active mind
Try to turn
But it turns as well

Baseless it may yet be
But that we will have to wait and see
Hoping for a mistake, hoping for a flaw
Something which is very much against my usual law

Nevertheless, bow down I shall not
I can't, I shan't, I will not
I have to, I must and I will fight
It is beyond me to say 'nein, nein'

Out into the unknown
Where countless dangers lurk
Yet it will be only the treasures
That occupy my mind's eye

Mine not to make reply
Mine not to reason why
Mine but to do or die

Into this valley of uncertainty
Rides this sole horseman
His fate unknown to all
But he must answer destiny's call

---------------------------------------------------

I just... came up with this within 15 minutes. It's probably rubbish to the more discerning poem fans out there, I don't know. I just felt the need to put this down.

In case you were wondering, yes, that last part is helped along by Alfred, Lord Tennyson's 'The Charge Of The Light Brigade'. I thereby give credit where credit is due, heh.

It's the first poem I've ever written, and I reiterate that I'm well aware that it's probably rubbish. I don't know how to really 'judge' a poem though, so I'm really just stumbling around in the dark. Any constructive criticism would be well appreciated. Not that I'm actually all that interested in poetry, but it would be another interesting thing to learn after all.

A-M, O.

I saw someone's MSN pm which went 'Si bei troubled now' and this lit up a spark in my mind, as in for something to blog on.

This guy whose pm I saw is the same age as me, which got me thinking: why do we always 'search' for ways to be miserable?

Of course, that question in itself is really general. I know of at least one person who always seems to be in a good mood. Still though, this person also 'searches' for misery, just maybe not so much.

I mean, think about it. Let's talk about the more practical worries for now. When we grow up, we'll have tons of things to worry about. Work, bills, various kinds of loans, family if you start one... the list goes on and on. And those are the more practical kind of worries; they're the kind that it's your 'duty' to worry about.

These problems are inevitable in a normal human being's adult life. They are things we should all, at least at the back of our minds, be kinda-sorta mentally prepared for. Unless you become a hermit or something, you'll have to face at least one of them in some way or other. And then we come to the 'impractical' problems.

What do I mean by 'impractical' problems, you ask. Well, they're problems which can actually be avoided as it isn't exactly 'necessary' or 'compulsory' for one to face them in the course of one's life. Good example of such a problem is to hang onto someone whom you like but who doesn't reciprocate the feelings. From a very logical standpoint, the super-obvious solution is to forget the person (at least romantically), right? Well, things just don't play out like that in practice (unless you find it easy to let go, in which case maybe your feelings weren't that strong to begin with).

It's yet another very human thing I wonder about sometimes. I partake in this particular irrationality too, myself. What is it that keeps people going despite the obvious misery that comes with it?

Hope, maybe? Personally I think that's it. Or maybe it's too many drama serials about undying love haha. Who knows, really?

(Please note that I DO believe in such a thing as undying love. It's just that, in real life, it doesn't seem to happen THAT often, or that easily.)

Hope. Something that is very much 'out there', something that's totally intangible (in my opinion, one of the most intangible), and yet at the same time something that can keep us going in the most trying of times/circumstances. It's fundamentally stupid, really, but at the same time it's just about the most beautiful thing we can experience.

It's another one of those human phenomenons that I'm interested in, but unlike most of the others, this isn't one that I'd want to look too much into, simply because it's one of the few good things we can have in this existence that doesn't have any catches and/or side-effects attached to it, heh.

We all need a little hope.

=)

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Sometimes I wonder if I come across sounding like a total idiot when I point out these little things in life that we tend to not think about, because we either have more important things to think about or we think we know them well enough. I wonder if I sound like an alien who just came to Earth and is totally overwhelmed by all these little facets of human existence. At any rate though, I like pointing them out and fleshing them out as much as I can, just because I don't think judging these things from a (very very very) logical standpoint occurs very much. I try, above all else, to give you food for thought. I hope I've succeeded more times than I've failed, heh.

Well, there isn't much else to say for now. I've spoken about hope in this post. And that's what I do alot of nowadays.

Here's hoping for... something that I shan't tell you guys =P

Cheers.

So I just got back into the country around 2 hours ago.

The trip was... interesting. A whole mix of stuff. Most of it quite personal so I won't talk about it here.

Strictly itinerary-wise, the trip was also a mix of good and bad. Scenery was almost always nice, and the cool air was at first an interesting novelty, then later a fantastic tool to keep one awake. Places we went to, some were good, some were so-so, some were horrible. This trip really was a hodge-podge of many things.

Not much shopping to do; the cheap stuff was crap (fake is super fake, if you know what I mean), and the good stuff wasn't cheap, or at least not cheaper than Singapore. Nevertheless, got a pair of shoes. That means I now have 3 pairs of shoes to choose from to wear. For a guy, that must be a phenomenon hahahaha.

Ok, I'm seriously suffering from sleep deprivation at the moment. Impossible to sleep on the plane; the toilet was more comfortable than my seat, and I'm not exaggerating. Had half a mind to stay in there for the duration of the trip hahaha.

I should go sleep now. Mind's not working right, I'm so tired. Bordering on retardation at the moment. Bye for now!

Well, this is my customary 'before I get out of the country' post, haha.

In something like 7 hours time I'll be on a flight to Shanghai. My first time there, hope it'll be good. Looking forward to a new place, after having been to Thailand like, 7 times in a row, which was then followed by a trip to the strikingly-similar-to-Thailand Vietnam. Somehow, I feel way more optimistic about this trip (in terms of itinerary, even though I don't really know what it is)... The idea of going to a cool/cold place really appeals to me I guess. I don't do it often.

I feel nervous, haha. I never liked leaving home for extended periods of time. Whether it's for something simple like a band camp, or for holidays, I never liked not being able to sleep in a familiar bed at the end of the day. Home is called that for a reason I suppose. Above all else, there's security in one's home. A feeling of tranquility, in a sense. You don't have to worry about anything when you're at home.

Of course, I'm speaking on a very existential level. It's one of those things we generally take for granted, our homes. Warmth, comfort, easing of tension... Home provides all those and more.

Okay, I don't know where I'm going with this anymore haha. Never meant this post to become so serious. Whatever it is, I wish for, above all else, a safe trip for my whole family and I. Fulfilling tour or no, of utmost importance is the security of the whole family. Not like I can really do anything about it, but sometimes that concern can gnaw at my brain. Worrying about things I can't control will be the death of me =/

Well, enough of these serious and depressing thoughts. I'm going on holiday for chrissake's, I can't act as if I'm going to take an exam! Hahaha.

Well, that's that then. See you guys in 8 days time!

Well, just the one paper left then.

I'm feeling somewhat 'lighter' now than I was at the start of the week, mainly cos I've more or less (though not completely) managed to see through the fog covering my eyes. For a while, all I could think about was the MSTs. There was nothing (well... almost nothing) besides tests in my mind's eye. It's amazing how narrow-minded I allowed myself to become.

For a time, I could not see past these five days. For a time, it felt like these five days would make or break me. Of course, things aren't as serious as that, although they do have their share of importance.

Even when I'm done with these tests though, there are still things on my mind. Things which are beautiful yet very uncertain at the same time. I won't be heading off to Shanghai 'under a cloud', per se, but I'll still have things on my mind during the trip.

Hopefully the trip will give me what I need... An escape from life, for a little while at least. I'm gonna be bringing at least a notepad or something, to pour my thoughts into. Also, during the last MOB lesson last Friday, I, with a little help from Vish, came up with a new superhero. I know it sounds really childish and so on, but I'm gonna see if I can make something of this character. It won't be generic, that's for sure.

I'm gonna see if I can actually make something of my English capabilities. The only times I've ever really used them were when I had to for compositions in school before. Of course, no such opportunities exist now, so I'm further starved of chances to express myself. That's one of my main reasons for having a blog at any rate. But it can only help so much... I need more outlets.

Well, just an hour's worth of test left. I have a feeling I'm underestimating Econs. But, well, I've gone through all my tutorials as well as the notes, and I'm quite comfortable with most things. I just hope this isn't misplaced confidence.

Here we go then.

It was a combination of factors.

Frustration over the amount of tasks ahead of me. Over the fact that while it isn't long, it feels like it is. Frustration over uncertainty. Over pessimism. Frustration at myself.

Napping didn't help. Another one of those naps that left me feeling more frustrated than before, because of the added effect of lethargy.

Frustration at myself was due to my cowardice. It's so stupid to be so... afraid. Especially when it's the only way for me to pursue my happiness. It's really much too stupid. I've resolved to put aside my lack of courage. It shall not hold me back any longer.

Tasks at hand... Sometimes they look so intimidating, sometimes they look so easy. Really don't know which face it'll show in the coming days. Uncertainty is my biggest enemy. Always has been. I hate being kept in suspense unnecessarily. Sure is unnecessary in this aspect.

More than anything it was my frustration at myself that filled me with so much pent up rage. I'm just lucky I have Led Zep's music. I'd be dead if not for them.

I've always been very logical, very factual, very down to earth and sensible. But there's two sides to every coin, and I'm no different. My irrationality just isn't very obvious because I always try to be the bigger man, to accomodate people, to compromise my own beliefs for other people. I always try to do that.

Sometimes it just comes back to bite me in the arse.

People take it for granted, thinking that I'll always be the one who gives other people alot of leeway in the way they interact with me.

I have always been the nice guy. I may not help all the time but I never intentionally hurt anyone either, not unless that person really deserves it. And even then, I usually don't.

I have alot of patience. But please, don't stretch me.

...

I don't even know where I'm going with this post. I guess it's just frustration over what I perceive to be a lack of respect shown to me. It's something that has plagued me for about three years or so already. I don't know, maybe I'm just over-sensitive? God knows I have that flaw.

Frustration at myself. I need to overcome that barrier. All chips in, no backing out. I have to do it for myself. I need to stop being so stupid in this particular matter. My happiness is at stake.

As for being taken for granted... I think, besides my family, only two people have not taken me for granted. It's a sad set of statistics, but is it any surprise when I function the way I do? Doesn't make it any easier to accept, of course.

------------------------------------------

For such a logical person, is it interesting to note that I like to read my horoscope? I can be considered to be quite a superstitious person... But the logical side of me makes sure that I take what I read in my horoscope with a pinch of salt. Sometimes though, they really do match what happens/happened in real life. No kid.

At any rate it's recommended (by the stars, heh) that I remain optimistic through these trying times. While it seems kinda hard to do so at the moment simply cos things look quite bleak, I guess there's no harm in doing so.

Hope everything works out for me. Both in my studies as well as in my pursuit of happiness.

Cheers.

Abygail

Shi Kai

Tommy

Trumpets [Da Section]

Mabel

Samuel

Alter Ego

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