Tuesday, October 28, 2008
22:05:00
Just been feeling so damn lethargic the whole day today. I don't even know why I feel as such. It's a feeling of emptiness, of unfulfilment. And still, life continues to ask more of me.I've felt such emotions before, numerous times, but that doesn't make it any easier to handle. You come home wanting to just lie on the bed and forget everything for awhile, but life and its commitments prevents you from doing so. Even when you take a nap, it's a fitful one. You wake up feeling, not refreshed, but worse than ever.It's been abit of an obstacle, today. 2 tests had to be done, and here I am at the end of the day with those hurdles behind me, but with more to come. As I've said before, my GEM is a problem I have to face every week, and then there's Economics on Thursday and I haven't done my homework yet.Here's how my mind tackles my timetable: Mondays end late quite unnecessarily, but the lessons are quite alright, so that's fine. Tuesdays are also okay, but IDEA is a seriously retarded module, so that tempers things a little bit. Wednesday is 'the day that could have been', if you catch my drift. It's spoilt by the fact that my GEM is on this day. Thursdays are actually alright, but for the one big problem in the morning, Econs. After that it's PACC where we can just chill out, and the rest of the day is really quite relaxed. Fridays may end at 5, which is a pain in the ass, but lessons-wise it isn't too bad.So the week is split into two parts, Mon and Tue being 'alright', Wed being the problem in the middle, and we can add Econs on Thur morning to that portion. After Econs it's plain sailing for the rest of the week. It's like a bell curve.It doesn't help that there's stuff to do, and I'm currently in this horrible mood. Nothing seems to help; the only one guarantee is that time will pass. This is like an injury where no painkillers or anything can help, only time can, and will.It's a test of my mind every week. I'm getting tired too, even though it's only the third week. That's not cool, there's still another four weeks or so to go before the 3-week holiday, and even then, there're tests in the week before it. It's just as well, at least this means that one can truly relax during the holidays. Still, all obstacles.It's times like this that many people would just say that I'm thinking too much, and that I should just take things one step at a time. But then that's not how I operate, that's not how my mind operates. I'm a hard person to help when I'm experiencing such emotions, so I've come to not bother asking people for help; I know it's almost, if not totally, impossible to really help me in any way when I'm feeling like this. Every attempt at cheering me up will be rebuffed with a shot of logical thinking.Hopefully you readers understand what I mean in that last sentence there. I can't really find a better way to put it, but I can see how it can be confusing. Anyway, yeah. When I'm feeling like this, much as I want someone to cheer me up, I know that I simply CAN'T be. I need time to do its thing; that's the only thing that works. So when I'm feeling like this, I'm caught in between the realms of straight, extremely logical thinking and irrational human emotions.Sometimes, just sometimes, logic really bites.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
01:00:00
2 weeks of school are over and I've yet to update. Well, that's mainly because there isn't much to blog about.My GEM isn't exactly great, but I'll keep at it. Nevertheless though, it makes every Wednesday feel like a hurdle I have to jump over. It's a shame, cos if it weren't for my GEM, Wednesdays would be my best day, what with only 3 lectures and no tutorials. Would be bloody brilliant, but then you gotta roll with the punches I suppose.School's been quite boring otherwise, really. New modules, new project groups made, but nothing of any real note.Sigh, my life's hella boring innit? Got a couple of new games for the 360, Saint's Row 2 and Fable 2, but that's all.Nothing of any sort to talk about, life's boring and sometimes tedious. Don't even know why I bothered to update! HahaI don't mind life as it is now, to be honest. Sometimes mundane and predictable just wins over exciting and spontaneous. But maybe that's just boring ol' me talking.Well, till next time then. Cheers.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
23:12:00
Oh, just realised that this blog has been in existence for 2 years now.I've come a long way since then eh? Still remember Tommy helping me out with the setting up oh-so-long ago.This blog has been around for so long and it's only had 2 changes of blogskin, and one of those was enforced when the blogskin went all kablooey on me. I like how the blogskin changes themselves more or less show the change in my own personality over the years.Started with the Motley Crue blogskin. I was a kid then. It was so superficial, I cringe when I think about it now. Then we went to the Spider-Man one. I'm a Spidey fan myself, and while I'm all for the notion of more people finding out about and liking the character, I don't like the commercialization of it all. I hope using a skin which showed the old-school 'Spectacular Spider-Man' comic cover would have put me in a different class, but that's too far a stretch, expecting people to think that way, so I don't think it worked. Then we come to the current one.It was an enforced change when the Spidey one decided to be a dick and implode or something. Forced to find a new one, and I never liked doing so since there's alot of rubbish ones and the search function on blogskins.com isn't exactly the best around. After running out of ideas I just went to look at the top-rated ones and saw this one. I liked it immediately, it was classy and stylish at the same time, without overstating anything. Good balance.I changed the 'intro' words to 'Achtung!' and 'Get Psyched!' as a homage to one of the most influential video-games of all time. I'll give a prize to anyone who knows which game it is!**No prize-giving intended at allWell, school starts tomorrow. In two minds about it. I don't mind school so much now since I've got some friends who'll always provide a good laugh no matter what, but school is, well, school. My laptop's XP partition crashed on me for the second time recently. I haven't the time to get it fixed tomorrow, so I can only do it on Tuesday. This is pretty screwed up since I've got a computer lesson tomorrow. Oh well, what to do =/Good thing is, I start school late tomorrow so I can sleep late/sleep more. I'll probably go for the former since I took a short nap earlier and it's not exactly early at the moment anyway.Well, here's to a new semester.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
13:23:00
You know what?If I'm at least logical about my arguments, why should I care what other incoherent people think.Cos what we have here, is a well-thought out argument being rebutted by a nonsensical, out-of-point statement. And if that's allowed to happen, where do we draw the line?Social Studies (and History) should've taught people not only the facts of years gone by, but also how to argue your point properly and coherently. Everything requires statements and logic and quotes and whatnot to back it up, which is how it should be in real-life arguments. It is through this way that we can see who is more believable and/or educated about the subject at hand.Alot of people don't use their brains when they argue. While they might not sink to such levels, most arguments consist of one party who's generally going 'I know you are, but what am I?'. And if you don't get that... never mind, read more books and watch more TV. You can pick up stuff like this even from cartoons (like Johnny Bravo).This post isn't very organised, I know, but I hope that at least the gist of the message gets through to most people, that being, if you want to argue a point, argue properly for fuck's sake. Don't be a rebel without a cause.This quote just about sums up what I feel alot of the time when I see disagreements (with me or not):"What we've got here is... failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it... well, he gets it. I don't like it any more than you men." - Cool Hand Luke, 1967.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
22:45:00
Two posts in a day, I've never done this before.Well I couldn't get the module I wanted for my GEMs (General Elective Module) and that coupled with self-realizations in recent times has led to my bad mood today. On the GEMs front I have had to settle for a class which none of my friends are taking. That's the shitty part of it all, but the module in itself isn't bad so... it's not ALL bad.On the self-realization front? I can't say for sure that I've finished my 'reflections' just yet, but looking at things from a more general point of view, fairness is definitely in order and I have no right to complain. In case you guys don't know what exactly I'm talking about, I was feeling really crappy after not being able to get the GEM I wanted. I don't usually get down, but I was like that for about half the day.I went home myself from work today, to allow myself some time to think things through about myself and the things that were happening to me. Sometimes you just need to be able to walk a substantial distance with no company but your iPod. It helps alot especially when you're doing some soul-searching.Anyway I've come to terms with the GEM thing by realizing that it's actually, well, fair. I've had alot go my way in recent times, and a comparatively small setback like this shouldn't get me moping. That would just be stupid.On the 'angry' front, I've decided that, while I'm not to be blamed for having my own opinions and feeling strongly about them, I have no right to go all crazy slamming everything in this blog of mine. I've definitely been being angry for the sake of being angry in recent times. Why have I been like this? I think it's me getting way too big-headed for my own good.In the last few weeks I've been nothing but right (dealing with some home matters), and, coupled with my opinions on things, just led to me getting too big for my boots. I can't believe I allowed myself to become like that, when I've always tried to be keep my own ego in check as much as possible. Disappointing, this sort of thing really shouldn't be happening.Dissatisfaction over sec school experiences? I've decided I can't keep living my life letting such things drag me down. I'm letting go of all the bad stuff, for real this time. Mistakes I have made, will remain as such. I learn from them, and move on.I'm someone who tends to hold onto memories of days gone by. I need to start thinking ahead now. I've been clutching those old straws for far too long. If I keep doing it I'm just gonna be weighing myself down unnecessarily.So, with the GEM class I'm being thrown into the unknown for the first time in a long time. Last time something like this happened to me was when I first became a leader in the band. But I'm prepared this time, and I won't make those same stupid mistakes anymore. No more culture shocks, no more frustrations from a past life.No more.
17:35:00
What a difference a week makes.For some reason (I really don't know why), I've been looking back at a few of my more 'angry' posts (including that last one) and wonder how I managed to work myself up to such a fit to write such stuff.Some things really do irk me, and make me wonder how fellow human beings are able to think in such ways. Some things (which may not have been mentioned in my posts) have left me questioning humanity as a whole.Maybe I've let myself be consumed by my dissatisfaction with some things in my secondary school life. Things I deem important that didn't reap the full rewards (or none at all, sometimes). So caught up in trying to make up for these 'mistakes' that I've forgotten myself.I don't even know what I really am anymore. I look at myself and see both sides of the coin, no matter what coin we're talking about. I see both powerful strengths and crippling weaknesses. I see open-mindedness and narrow-mindedness. I am so right, but I am so wrong as well.Maybe I hate the fact that life is full of such shades of grey. Why can't more things be plain black or white, you know? I don't know anymore.Whoever you are, Juliet (in my tagboard), I suppose you could say that I'm doing nothing to help out the situation. On the other hand though, what would you expect a student to do? I hope you don't see this as a 'counter-attack' or anything like that; I wouldn't like to engage in a virtual flame war with someone I may or may not even know. Singapore is a great place, don't get me wrong, but I just feel that some things are just headed in the wrong direction at the moment. As I said in my 'disclaimer' in the last post, whether or not I'm right or wrong in my predictions, only time has the answer. I could be as wrong as saying '1+1=3'. Maybe I'm just so angry because such things are happening in my country of birth.I've been so angry recently. Now that I think about it, I question myself over why I've been as such. While it may not look/sound like it, I do have some friends who've been around for a long time now. I may not have a large number of friends, but those whom I see as real friends, are the kind that will never drop the baton, in regards to their friendship with me. I'm thankful for them, I truly am.I look at my angry posts and another thing that disgusts me is the abuse of the English language. Having the ability to write should not result in using it in purely hurtful ways. I need to go look at myself in the mirror and do some soul-searching.It seems like I've been being angry for the sake of being angry, at least in recent times. I need to think myself through. This ain't right.