My laptop crashed on me.

That pisses me off in so many ways I can't even count them, but the saddest thing of the whole situation is that I think it triggered off a chain reaction. Everything that had/has been bothering me in recent times suddenly reared their heads all at once and now I feel so shitty again.

So. Goddamn. Fatigued. I don't just need a good night's rest, I need a whole fucking holiday. I've been running on empty for so long now it's amazing that I'm still functioning properly.

I really need to be able to sleep for however long I want, everyday, with no repercussions. I really need to be able to play WoW the whole day, everyday, with no repercussions. I really need to be able to lie down on the sofa in the living room and watch HBO movie after HBO movie without any repercussions. I want to be able to have a carefree life, for awhile at least.

School's running me into the ground, slowly but very surely. Exams coming up too, so that adds to the shitty feeling.

I need a girl. To talk to, nothing else. Sounds odd, I know, but really that's one of the things I need now. Girls provide viewpoints and words that are very different from guys' opinions, and sometimes those different viewpoints hit the nail on the head. I need that now.

I also need one more thing. It's an intangible thing; non-physical in nature. But that's a private matter so I won't be talking about it.

I'm running out of fuel.

Well, had a nice day yesterday.

To 'celebrate' the end of a hectic few weeks of tests and projects, Boon, Ying Wei and I went out for a nice dinner before watching The Dark Knight at Shaw Towers.

Something has to be said about the sheer emptiness of the theater. I think there were only 20 people in the whole theater. Although abit eerie, it made the whole experience feel like a private screening. Well, almost, anyway. Hahahaha.

About the movie... It was brilliant. The pacing was great, the theme was great, the story was pretty damn good, the acting was great... I could go on, but you can see where I'm coming from by now, can't you?

The only 'worry' now is just exactly HOW are they going to replace Heath Ledger. He delivered a masterful performance. His talking style, the way his eyes moved, the way he walked... all very convincing. Joker is a hell of a villain to portray, but he nailed it, no doubt about it. I wonder if what I heard about him locking himself up in a room to drive himself insane just to be in character is true. Quite a... rumour eh?

I'm not gonna go on too much about this next part, but I have to say that the mind is such a powerful thing. Whether you're a hunky bodybuilder or a scrawny nerd, the mind still is the one thing that controls you. I only bring this up because watching the movie made me think about Joker again, one of the most masterfully thought out villains in the history of comics.

Insanity... obviously it's not a good thing, but I think that it's, in a sense, important to keep in touch with your insane side. The part that sometimes conjures thoughts of ultra-violence or torture or anything like that. Of course, insanity involves more than just the hurting of others, and studying the whole thing would be very interesting indeed.

When I'm alone and have the proper materials (music, actually), I like to just mold my thoughts according to the music. It's very... liberating, to be able to feel everything a human is capable of feeling, using just music. You get happy, sad, angry, vengeful, jealous, lonely, disappointed and whatever else, just by softening the normal way your mind thinks and letting yourself be guided by the music. It's my destress method. Can't say its failed me so far.

Hm. I seem to have let my thoughts just fly free again. Having to stick to one topic matter can be quite difficult sometimes, especially since I just love to go free when I write. I can, but then it would just make the process 'work', and not something I enjoy. I think I'll stop here then. Watch The Dark Knight if you haven't already done so. You won't be disappointed.

p.s. Just thought of an idea. Those of you who know how I sound like, trying reading my posts as if I were talking. Use a low, confident, serious yet humourous sort of voice with a mix of an American and a British accent and you're there. Not easy, but when done right, the effect is the one that I've always been trying to do.

Wow. To be honest, I can't remember the last time I agreed so much on an opinion but couldn't voice my approval. But definitely, I agree 100%.

Anyway, back to blog proper. It's been a hard few days, tests and projects. I'm just glad I can now take a breather, it's been that hectic.

On the good news side of things, I managed to maintain a 100% record in Stats. 100 for the first test (which everybody SHOULD get full marks for, what with the unlimited number of tries we had), and 100 for the second test. It feels great to have this perfect record, although the feeling is somewhat cheapened by the fact that quite a number of people (in the whole course) have this perfect record too. Still, that doesn't take much away from the achievement, haha.

FOM presentation today was... well, quite alright. I should and could have done better, but overall I'm still quite satisfied. Some of the marks awarded to some of the people in the class are questionable, however. I for one certainly feel Ranson deserved more; he was clear, concise, and consistent. I don't know what more you can ask for. Well, hope everything works out as they should.

Let's see, anything else? Oh yeah, my brother's back from his study trip/holiday in Europe. Got me some nice stuff, a Euro 08 T-shirt and a Man Utd scarf. He's also grown fatter and has let his hair grow out, hahaha. While I can't say that I've really missed him while he was gone (it's just the way I am, plus the fact that I've been crazy busy in recent times), it feels great to have him back. In many ways he is the 'balance' in my life. Equal portions of all things, that's what he provides. He always looks to have a laugh and enjoy life, but when it's crunch time, it would be hard to find someone more serious about the job at hand.

To think that we used to fight all the time. He changed after being called up for National Service. Don't know what it was that changed him, but ever since then we've been the best of pals. We share, on most counts, the same taste in music. We both love GTA. We're able to talk to each other about all sorts of things, and most of the time we're on the same wavelength.

Back when I was less mature, he also used to be the connection between me and my parents. He saw both sides of the coin, and managed things brilliantly, finding a common ground between the two sides. For that, I really have to thank him.

I could go on and on, really. There's just so many things to say about my relationship with my brother. It's been an interesting journey of events thus far, and long may it continue.

I'll end off with this song by Led Zeppelin, called Dazed and Confused. Don't know if the majority of you would be able to identify with the emotion that I think this song is supposed to give off, that of the angry drunk. You know, like someone who starts to complain about everything that he's been keeping inside him all the while once the drink has thrown all his inhibitions out the window. It's a brilliant song, a great tool to channel anger and frustration with.

This was the best live version of the song I could find, and it is interesting to see the innovation with the violin bow. The raw emotion involved, however, is the main draw for me. Enjoy, and au revoir for now.



Led Zeppelin - Dazed And Confused

Been dazed and confused for so long it's not true
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you
Lots of people talk and few of them know,
Soul of a woman was created below

You hurt and abuse tellin' all of your lies
Run around sweet baby, Lord how they hypnotize
Sweet little baby, I don't know where you've been
Gonna love you baby, here I come again

Every day I work so hard, bringin' home my hard earned pay
Try to love you baby, but you push me away
Don't know where you're goin', only know just where you've been,
Sweet little baby, I want you again

Been dazed and confused for so long, it's not true
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you
Take it easy baby, let them say what they will
Will your tongue wag so much when I send you the bill?

Just a quick one here. I couldn't resist:

You're not there yet mate. Don't get ahead of yourself, eh?

Cheers.

I feel like hell right now.

Just... So sapped of confidence... So tired.

I don't even really know what it is that's making me feel this way.

Maybe it's the fact that my PACC is fucking screwed unless I can ace the semestral exam.

Maybe I'm feeling the effects of loneliness, which does hit me from time to time.

Maybe the bad parts of having only a few friends is killing me. Not that I'll change my principles, but it seems to be eating me up from the inside out at the moment.

Maybe it's a combination of all the above factors and the fact that I've still got alot of things that I have to deal with.

I'm tired, so tired. Not just physically, but also mentally. I need someone to be able to just talk me through this period. Sadly, only two people I know have just what I need, and both are busy in one way or another.

I don't know man. I just feel like hell right now.

Bloody Hell.

I logged on twice before now only to log off again, simply because I didn't feel anything. Of course, I'm talking about the, uh, inspiration to write. When I update for the sake of updating, unless it's something that I really wanted to talk about, it feels empty. First time I logged on, it was like that, empty. 2nd time, I lost the tiny spark I had. And here we are at number 3.

Well, I attended AMKSS's Awards Nite yesterday night. As some of you might remember, I managed to somehow get top in the level for Combined Humanities (SS & History). Up till now I'm still quite surprised (even a little incredulous) at the fact that I actually managed to win this award.

While receiving the award was all very nice, I still have to comment on the poor organisation of the whole event. Powerpoint slide screwups, a guest of honour who couldn't be half-arsed to prepare his speech (and he couldn't improvise either), horrible ushers (they actually had to ask my mum where she was going when she wanted to use the loo. For crying out loud, can't a person use the goddamn toilet without being interrogated?!), a very poorly planned itinerary and my old pet peeve, emcees WHO CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH PROPERLY AND TRY TO MAKE UP FOR IT BY SLANGING AND ENDING UP MISPRONOUNCING THE SIMPLEST OF WORDS. Someone should tell them that by adopting such a 'tactic', they only make themselves look like fools rather than more professional. Fucking retards.

Maybe it's not just this school (bias would play a part in my opinion then) that commits such mistakes, but I have to say some things about it. Besides a few teachers and the school band, there really isn't anything special about AMKSS. While that's all fine and dandy, the fact that they actually think they're something they aren't just makes it all so unbelievably laughable. Organising big events, trying to be big players, but messing up all the little details and really showing themselves up for what they really are: Wannabes.

If you want to make a splash with a big event, make sure everything goes off without a hitch. Sure, some on-the-spot problems just can't be prevented, but you sure as hell had better expect the unexpected. Contingency plans and alternatives must and should be thought of. It's all cool thinking of the big picture, but if you neglect the little details in the process, you just shot yourself in the foot, my friend.

Maybe that's what I detest so much about the school. It's such a big wannabe that it's embarrasing. I'm not saying that it shouldn't have aspirations to bigger and better things, but for fuck's sake, at least plan each event throughly! It would reflect better if one big event went off without a hitch rather than to have 5 big events but each and every one of them was plagued by numerous minor flaws.

Tsk. Even the most impressive buildings in the world are made of small, single bricks. If you can't be bothered to ensure that the bricks are solid enough, the building's going to fall no matter how beautiful the architecture is. Think about that.

Anyway, rant over. It's hard to believe that now I've actually got two, uh, awards from my time in AMKSS. There's this one, and the other one is the little obelisk-like thing I got from last year's band dinner. Nothing much to say on the band front, I think it's a nice little token and while I went through much in my 4 years in the band, I can glean many positive lessons from it. Not so the school. I laugh at the irony that they have just presented a prize to one of the people who feel so strongly against them.

You know, I think I might have come off as being somewhat arrogant when I received my prize. Most, if not all, of the other prize winners took a bow after receiving their awards; I just walked down and went back to my seat. I don't see the point of thanking a hall of people, almost all of whom I don't know, for something that I earned. I'm not ungrateful though, and I have to thank a handful of teachers, either for their teaching or for the way they helped me, indirectly, to keep faith in my own ideals. Mrs Lai, for one, with her no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point style, but with a touch of care and concern. And, she recognised talent when she saw it.

(Note that I'm not tooting my own horn. Besides me, she also recognised the talents of, for example, Hui Shan and Shi Kai)

I'm not going to go on thanking teachers, no. That was just an example. Anyway, I believe there were more than just a few in the audience who probably never thought they'd see me win such an award. Maybe even one or two (close friends will know who I'm talking about) who probably wished that I would never be recognised for my abilities. The arrogance, that was for them. Obviously I couldn't show them the 'up yours' signal or anything like that, so I hope that they might be able to intrepret correctly what I meant with my demeanour.

Anyway, I really do feel that I've been blessed with the power of the written word. I'm still far from polished, definitely, but I think that it's something to work towards. I do enjoy writing, and being able to notice and enjoy all the nuances of the language makes me feel that English is more than just a medium for people to convey their thoughts and feelings. It is an art.

I currently have very rough ideas for a story... It's quite embarrasing actually, spelling this out, haha. I think I'll be starting on it soon, if only to capitalize on the inspiration thing. Very busy few weeks ahead, what with tests, projects and then soon after, exams to come. I can't wait for the holidays. I've been suffering burnout recently, and I think I really need a long holiday to recharge my batteries. But at the moment that's just wishful thinking.

Time to get my head down and keep pushing again. Wish me luck, haha.

Abygail

Shi Kai

Tommy

Trumpets [Da Section]

Mabel

Samuel

Alter Ego

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