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Winston Zhang
28 March
NAPS
AMKSS
SP
Man Utd [Since '99]
Football
Video Games
Trumpet
ROCK
Music Junkie

Saturday, February 23, 2008

02:16:00

...I'm feeling emotions right now that are just difficult to describe. And that's unusual, as I normally am able to express everything I need to.

A mixture of silent confidence in myself (which is the norm)... Insecurity as to my ideals... A slight frustration... Being satisfied and unsatisfied at the same time.... Melancholy... Hell of a mix.

Romantic feelings being suppressed, mitigated. For various reasons. As it is, after that... Last one... I've not been able to throw myself into something, someone. Cynicism, fear of being burnt again, perhaps a slight sense of bitterness (tied in with the cynicism)... All contributing factors.

That said, I'm not unhappy. I'm enjoying the sheer tranquility of my life at the moment. It won't last, of course, but at least, I've experienced it once in my life. Just human nature, I suppose, to keep demanding more. We'll never be satisfied, not for very long anyway. Boon and bane.

...I know this post is all over the place. There's no main theme, there's no direction, nothing. In that sense it's abstract in it's own way. As I type this paragraph I have a wry smile on my face. I am still an enigma, even to myself. A soft chuckle and a shake of the head. I'll never understand myself.

Sting - When We Dance

If he loved you
Like I love you
I would walk away in shame
I'd move town
I'd change my name

When he watches you
When he counts to buy your soul
On your hand his golden rings
Like he owns a bird that sings

When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

The priest has said my soul's salvation
Is in the balance of the angels
And underneath the wheels of passion
I keep the faith in my fashion
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

I'm still in love with you
[I'm gonna find a place to live
Give you all I've got to give]
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

If I could break down these walls
And shout my name at heaven's gate
I'd take these hands
And I'd destroy the dark machineries of fate
Cathedrals are broken
Heaven's no longer above
And hellfire's a promise away
I'd still be saying
I'm still in love

He won't love you
Like I love you
He won't care for you this way
He'll mistreat you if you stay

Come and live with me
We'll have children of our own
I would love you more than life
If you'll come and be my wife
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

I'm gonna love you more than life
If you will only be my wife
I'm gonna love you more than life
If you will only be my wife
I'm gonna love you night and day
I'm gonna try in every way

(I had a dream last night
I dreamt you were by my side
Walking with me baby
My heart was filled with pride
I had a dream last night)

Sunday, February 17, 2008

23:46:00

The week just past was one of the more unsatisfactory weeks of my life.

A bust up on Monday was the prelude to countless wasted hours. Of course I got the opportunity to just rest up and do what I wanted, but then, sometimes you just want something to do in the day to occupy yourself. Work, school, tuition, whatever. Speaking of which, I still remember how nice it felt after having tuition at 8.30 in the morning every Saturday. I know, it sounds odd for someone to be saying 'I like tuition in the early hours of my weekend!', but the point is, the rest of the day afterwards just feels so much better, you know? It's like you paid your dues, and now it's time to relax.

Granted, 2 hours of tuition on a Saturday morning can't possibly be described as 'dues' (too small), but still. As it is, I don't have anything like that anymore, and while it's nice to have the whole day to yourself, doing whatever you want, it gets... Tiresome? Mundane? Can't get the right word, but it just feels not too good.

At least there was some good news over the weekend; Liverpool got beaten by Barnsley and we thrashed Arsenal 4-0. I've had better weeks in terms of football results, but this probably rates pretty highly in any United fan's books. It's the Champion's League next with a big match against Lyon. Difficult, I'd say, but at least we're not facing either of the Milan clubs, or any of the traditional giants of European football like Real Madrid or Barcelona. That said, despite all the rubbish that's happening behind the scenes at Anfield at the moment, I think Liverpool will surprise us all by beating Inter. Just a little gut feeling of mine. I still hope I'm wrong and Ibramovich scores hat-tricks in both matches and Inter dumps Pool out 10-0 on aggregate, but yeah, gut feeling.

Just feeling kind of unsatisfied at the moment, with holes to be filled but nothing to fill them with. Oh well, life goes on. I'll just take the current situation for what it is and enjoy the massive amounts of free time I have. I'll have to find things to do though. Oh well, once again.

01:58:00

Johnny Mathis - Misty

Look at me,
I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree
And I feel like I'm clinging to a cloud
I can't understand,
I get misty just holding your hand.

Walk my way,
And a thousand violins begin to play
Or it might be the sound of your hello
That music I hear,
I get misty the moment you're near

You can say that you're leading me on
But it's just what I want you to do
Don't you notice how hopelessly I'm lost
That's why I'm following you.

On my own,
Would I wander through this wonderland alone
Never knowing my right foot from my left,
My hat from my glove,
I'm too misty, and too much in love.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

20:53:00

This isn't the post I intended to do, but I just gotta let this out.

I shan't go into details, but it's another strike out for you, dumb fuck. It's probably number 6362356098 at any rate, so you should've been out long ago. Too bad life doesn't work like baseball.

All I ever wanted was a sense of justice, but you guys seem to insist that I respect you when you insult me like that. Not gonna happen, cocksuckers.

I still have to thank you guys though. It's because of shit like this that drives me to be so much better than anyone else in the family, in terms of my future successes. I don't strive to get a big house, or a big car, or whatever. I intend to get those things, yes, but they're not my primary aims. My primary aim is to destroy you guys. The table's been in this position for way too fucking long. I intend to turn it, and fucking destroy you guys.

And I hope, when it happens, I can stare you guys in the face and say, 'Karma bites ass, don't it?'

--------------------

I don't get angry often. But when I do... Shit, you better get out of the room. I could have done without this crap, but what can you do when there are such fucking dickheads around? It's bloody fucking inevitable.

Christ.

Monday, February 11, 2008

21:45:00

Does it get much sweeter than this:

Pretty damn sure it doesn't! Got a new iPod today, the 160GB iPod Classic. Black, of course. Cost me a pretty penny but then again you pay the price for quality and, of course, style.

Definitely gonna keep this one in pristine condition. I could still use my old one sometimes, I suppose, but this one will be my main man (thing?) from now till... Well, until I get a new one, which I hope will be a good 5 years (at the very very least) from now!

Now I just gotta get my brother to finally transfer the last of the songs that are still in the old com before I put them into this new iPod, then it'll truly be fully functional then.

Well, in other news, had a fun time with Boon today. 57 hit combo eh? Poor Akuma. LOL.

Enjoying life. It's at its peak at the moment, for me. Late nights, late days, with plenty of whatever the fuck I want to do in between. Hard to top this man, hah.

Well, till the next post. I have some new things to type about. Till then!

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

01:01:00

Just dropping in to post this vid... It's jazz at its best, beautiful song with solos from almost all the instruments involved. In case you didn't know, the song's called Invitation. It's one of my all-time favourite jazz songs. Enjoy.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

00:34:00

My iPod just keeps finding ways to screw with me. Right now it's okay again, but just now, the screen decided to be stuck showing Queen's Crazy Little Thing Called Love even though it kept playing the selected playlist. I think it's slowly dying off. Therefore, I think I'll be getting a new one.

The decision is still in its infancy; I've yet to decided which model and how big the capacity of the one I'm picking is, but I think I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get a new one whatever happens.

My electronic stuff love to fail on me. Besides the iPod, there have been problems with my PSP's analog (now somewhat cured... =/) and I do have a history of electronic troubles eg. my old com, my PS2 controllers, one of my old phones... It's like I have the touch of death for electronics or something. At least my current phone's working splendidly, and my new com is also doing well, save for the fucking router/internet connection.

WoW's coming along well too, level 46 already after just over a month of play, with everything looking good, loot and money-wise. Shan't continue on this vein, I'll probably bore the pants off most of you guys.

On a last note... I had a weird dream recently, one about a girl. Not a lewd dream, so purge them dirty thoughts from your dirty minds, but nevertheless, the dream pertained to relationships. However, it was weird because the likelihood of such a happening is close to, if not even less than, zero. So yeah, might be something I would like to actually happen in real life, but I'm pretty sure it's not gonna happen, haha.

Nothing much to say really, but just felt like penning down some thoughts I had. Life's been good, in general. Most of my peers (those who aren't in JCs) are complaining of boredom and tedium, but I don't know, I personally just can't get enough of this lifestyle I have at the moment. Easy-going, not many obligations or responsibilities or anything like that to weigh me down. Ample amounts of fun in its various forms, as well as that of which I crave and demand for, rest and alone time. There are just times you prefer to be alone, with maybe only a TV or some music for accompaniment. Everybody needs it, but I need more of it than most people I know. I'm a natural loner in that sense, but it's not like I shun companionship. Just that my character, my mental demeanour, requires quite abit of alone time.

Like now, for example. Blogging, alone in my room, pouring out some of my thoughts, with only The Police's Wrapped Around Your Finger being the only other thing 'speaking'. Tranquility is a treasure in itself.

Well, till next time then.